Yet the reason why I don’t have time for you is because of school. It’s because of schoolwork, preparation for classes, studying for quizzes, samba, meetings, samba and more samba. It’s not because I choose to spend time with someone else. Anyhow, being buried in this school-that-screws-my-mind really doesn’t make things any better.

It is so amazing it takes my mind off matters that are non-school related, matters that used to be so important than me, matters that mean a lot to other people as well. I’m sorry for being non-existent. I could be honest and tell you that I have no sense of awareness towards the importance of being involved and for that I guess I’m in the wrong and I’m sorry. Yes I feel disappointed in myself. 

I feel disappointed in myself for not having the courage to make life wonderful. I feel disappointed in myself for succumbing to the temptations of being part of the mainstream that i know nuts about. I feel disappointed in myself to not have enough passion drive and enthusiasm to love. I feel disappointed in myself for not having enough faith in myself to believe, for not being brave enough to dream.

Such a fickle-minded girl. Where do I start and what do I do from now? The days in my week are becoming lesser by the months. And as the years go by, it’s gonna be whirlwind of uncertainty and inconstancy. And it’ll probably shorten my life?

Well, anything in my life that I’m proud of? Ain’t worth nothing anymore. They’ll just get tucked away in the “Rejects” bin in every Finance department of every MNC, every bank, every SME. And there goes your life belle. 

Four friggin As and a bright future ahead that turned so dark, so creepy. Losing friends, losing important people, losing important quality time, losing faith and losing my soul. Is it really worth believing? Are you, the person who’s always right, really right this time? Truth is, I’m still lost.