designer, vocalist & keyboardist.
don't you just love music?
can’t control myself and went to youtube non-stop for an entire day, only to find that i’m still a little girl with big dreams. haha well, only if i cherished what i had in the past.
i can’t stop thinking about doing music my whole life.
Now before I start on my Kieso Waygandt Warfield journey, I have some things to say.
It’s really sad to see things becoming so different from what it used to be. They always say photos are powerful because they capture the moment. And yes, that photo I stumbled upon just now really spoke to me. The three of us smiling so widely into the camera trying to squeeze our faces in. It was a sunny day, we were at Seng Kang flying kite. Then you come back to reality, and you see how that photos gets torn apart into unidentifiable pieces of memories. You see scenes of disappointment, shock, tears, angst, threatening smses, old love letters, twitter blocking, sarcastic words, hypocritical faces. A very, very unfamiliar familiarity. How did we get torn apart?
Forget about whose fault it is, and who’s feeling what at this present moment. I’m just angry. Angry at why I can only feed on memories and face brutal realities. Angry at why things just turn sour and don’t become any better. Angry at why as you grow up, faces get uglier and people get more screwed up. Angry at why life is about going downhill.
Big big sigh. Not to mention videos and recordings I have been playing again and again recently. Where have those amazing chemistry went? Where have those rehearsals at my house went? What happened to those wonderful times we had auditioning and performing? How did we stop talking? How did we get torn apart?
I actually miss you. And all the laughter you have brought into my friends’ and my life. Where have you been, and how are you?
I’ve never been so tired in a long time. So tired yet I can’t sleep because I’m so bad at organizing my time such that I’ve to leave Corp to the very last minute. There is so much to study and understand, so much left undone. And every time I fall asleep I have to force myself to wake up again and again. Think it happened 10 times in 10 minutes already. I am so, bloody, tired.
Emotionally tired or physically tired I don’t know. What happens if sometimes you really don’t know the reason why you’re feeling so emotionally sick? Like today, I was like an emo teenage kid attracting unnecessary attention expecting people to ask hey what’s wrong. I found it so damn difficult to smile. Was like something went really wrong. But what? You tell me.
I’m so tired. At least if I know what I need I could get it. But I don’t. And I’m just using Corp to please my unsound mind. A day like this is enough to drive me nuts, really.
Back to normal please.
When you keep getting annoyed and disappointed at the smallest things you know your day is screwed.
There’s so much to learn. This is not easy.
What’s Valentines’ day really about? Maybe without it there’ll be less worries, less insecurities, less expectations.
Hmm, expectations. I haven’t seen you in a long time. Next time if you’re coming along, please knock on the door.
Really, I wonder, how is it possible to truly understand expectations?
